Ep. 089 The Power of Self-Care and Compassionate Leadership w/Jennifer Anderson

What if we told you that cultivating self-compassion is the secret sauce to becoming a more effective leader? Discover how integrating self-compassion can elevate your leadership skills, foster a positive work culture, and reshape your approach to challenges.

In this episode of She Leads Now podcast, we dive deep with Jennifer Anderson. Jennifer is a  leadership career strategist and author with over 25 years experience consulting with national and international companies to build their leaders into the leaders that everyone wants to work for while also reducing employee attrition. 

Tune in as we discuss compassionate leadership, and explore practical insights, personal approaches to well-being, and a glimpse into Jennifer's upcoming book, "Call for Compassion."

Key Take-aways:

• Mindful Consumption: Echoing the importance of being steadfast in ensuring that what is consumed, whether in terms of food or thoughts, nourishes rather than depletes.
• Cultivating Self-Compassion: Emphasize the need to cultivate self-compassion as an indispensable trait for evolving as effective leaders.
• Navigating Emotions: Navigate the intricate landscape of emotions with practical techniques for identifying, addressing, and managing them—a crucial component of the self-care toolbox.
• Eliminating Hurry: Explore the transformative potential in committing to a life of intentionality and eliminating hurry

Listen to the full episode HERE

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RESOURCES:

Website  - www.MovingForwardSolutions.com
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/careercoachjen/
Instagram - www.instagram.com/movingforwardsolutions

Book Recommendations - 

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the Modern World

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HOST INFO:

Sabine Gedeon is a transformative figure in leadership and personal development and serves as the CEO of Gedeon Enterprises. With nearly two decades of experience, she guides clients in startups and Fortune 500 companies. Sabine's unique approach combines human-centered principles with tech-enabled solutions, delivering customized programs for leaders at all levels to tackle crucial leadership and talent development challenges.

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ADDITIONAL SUPPORT:

Download Free Resources - https://sabinegedeon/gifts
Get Coaching Support: https://meetwithsabine.as.me/Discovery

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:07

Hello and happy Wednesday everyone. Thank you so much for joining, for tuning in. For those of you who are completely new to the show, welcome. I'm excited to have you here. For those of you who are returning, welcome back. I am equally excited to have you here.

Speaker 1: 1:23

And so, again, I'm Sabine Gideon. I'm the host of the show. I also serve in the capacity as an executive and career leadership strategist, and the my focus, or the people that I work with, are primarily women and emerging leaders. So with that, I want to introduce my lovely guest today, who is graciously here, jennifer Anderson. And so Jennifer has over 25 years as a leadership, career strategist and author, consulting with national and international companies to build their leaders into the leaders that everyone wants to work for, while also reducing employee attrition. She is a sought after speaker about leadership and has addressed many industry organizations and universities. She has published in Forbes and other trade magazines, and her most recent work, body of work, her book Call for Compassion Building a Compassionate Environment for Collaboration, community and Connection, will be out on Amazon in this month. So with that, jennifer, please share a little bit more about who you are. The major career milestones for those who missed you on episode 65 of the original leadership, the noted series.

Speaker 2: 2:39

Yeah, exactly. So thank you so much. It's so fun to do this with you again. It's so great. I love having multiple touches with people out there in the world. So thanks, it's really good to see you again and thanks for all the good works that you're doing. I think it's important. So thank you for that.

Speaker 2: 2:54

So a little bit about me. I mean, I'm the type of person who, over the years, I was the dutiful child who went to college and graduated because that's what your parents and your grandparents at least in my family, that's what they were telling me. And so I went off to college to become a school teacher, and one semester into college, I'm like but no, no, no, I don't want to do that. And so and I also got me thinking about all my favorite teachers growing up, where people who had careers outside of being a teacher, they'd gone and done things and then later pivoted into being a school teacher, and so, anyhow. So I decided I'm not going to do that, and I remember it was one of those moments of you know what is Gen 1 versus what is the dutiful family member going to do?

Speaker 2: 3:50

Right, and standing up on my own two feet and just saying no, I don't really want to do this anymore, but other key things in my career. I mean definitely somebody who I really love to be of service in the community. I'm, through my work and what, I've always made sure to reach out in the community and do different service and whatnot, and I've served on different boards and different things and to me I feel like some of those are some of the juiciest ways to just eke really good stuff out of life, and so we can talk more about that too, if you like. But anyhow, that's a couple of highlights there, so I'm curious.

Speaker 1: 4:31

We're in similar spaces, so talk to us a little bit about the work that you do today. Since that decision to move away from being a school teacher, what has that journey looked like, and how has that translated into your present day work?

Speaker 2: 4:47

Yeah. So what I did is through college I worked in retail because it was nice and flexible, I could get enough hours to work around my school schedule, and so I ended up getting into retail management. And then I got to a point where I'm like this is hard, like all my holidays sucked. It's just like I never could have like a Sunday off. You know things like that. And so I'm like you know what? I don't want to do retail anymore, even though it was really really, really, really, really good at it. I took like one of the lowest performing stores in the company and took it to the top 10. It was like unheard of kind of stuff and so. But I just was like I'm good at it, but I don't love it, and and so I decided at that point okay, if I'm not going to retail anymore, what is it I want to do?

Speaker 2: 5:34

When I couldn't find a job, I thought maybe customer service. And I ended up going to a recruiting firm looking for a temp job. I thought like I just find a temp job somewhere. Let's, let's start with that. I'm a college graduate, I'm an intelligent person, I've managed to the store Like I'm sure they can find me a job and they said do you want to be a recruiter? Like I don't even know what that means, but sure that sounds great.

Speaker 2: 5:57

And so just 25 years ago, sabine, I got into the recruiting industry totally by complete accident. I didn't even really, had never even really thought of it as something. I just saw that an ad in the newspaper because I'm that old and it was, you know, like hey, you know, customer service job and it was at the staffing agency and so, anyhow. So that started an 11 year career working in the recruiting industry, and during that time I talked to about 100,000 people looking for jobs and placed over 1000 people in different positions, and and I became really painfully aware to me that once people get that new job, they need help to succeed and they're not always getting the right support that they need at home or from their bosses, or they just like in their mind they're like I don't know what to do Because you know they're the old saying you know what gets us to this point is not necessarily what's going to get us to the next point, and so so that's why in back in 2009, 15 years ago, I started.

Speaker 2: 7:02

I started doing coaching, and I was doing it on the side while still recruiting, and then I realized, you know what I need to do this? And I was really just following that, prompting in my heart of go and do this, and that's that's what I've been doing. And of course, it's included a lot of corporate training too, because there's a fair amount of corporations that that are needing help for their teams, and that's not to help those people find a job, that's more helping them to succeed in their workplaces. So it's been. It's been a lot of fun through all of that, thank you.

Speaker 1: 7:34

And so, as I was reading your bio, you shared that you know your, your mission or your passion is really around supporting leaders to become the type of leaders that people actually want to work for or with. And you know, in the last year since we talked I can't believe it's been a year, but in the last year that we talked, there's been more and more visibility or focus on helping leaders become better, you know, not just for the bottom line, but really for the people who serve their organizations and serve their mission. So I'm curious you know, a year later, what, based on the work that you're doing with your clients, what's changed in terms of supporting leaders to step up and be that that new type of leader that that employees are looking for?

Speaker 2: 8:25

Yeah, for sure. I think some of the areas that are still staying the same are certainly the amount of fear and overwhelm for leaders, that and not acknowledging it publicly. There's a lot of people who, privately, will share things with me, you know, one on one, and coaching calls and whatnot, but there's there's still this overall fear of I'm scared, I'm going to lose my job, and so so they're not, they're not speaking up still, and and that's bad because it continues to perpetuate issues and their and the leaders are the ones who need to lead right there, the tip of the of the arrow right, lead the way, and so so, for whatever reasons, there's still a lot of people who are, who are reticent to speak up and really help to drive those cultural changes and things that need to happen. And then, for the leaders themselves and their personal lives, some of the similar things that have continued to stay. For there are so many people who don't take care of their health.

Speaker 2: 9:33

Now, I am not a personal trainer, I am not somebody who, I'm not a dietitian, I'm not a doctor or anything like that, but there are a lot of people who are not taking care of themselves physically and so sleep issues, lack of just good rest, not taking vacation time, not prioritizing their health, working hard through the day, meaning no lunch break.

Speaker 2: 10:00

Or if they're getting something to eat, it might be some kind of fast, high sugary think chips or candy bar or something like that. There's still a lot of people who are continuing to do that, and when I talk with them about how they're managing their days and whatnot, it's an interesting shift. So, talking about things that I'm seeing that's going better, I mean definitely for people who recognize how important their health is and taking and that's not just your physical health, but it's also your mental health man, they're the ones who really seem to. It's like they become these awakened beings when they realize, oh, I'm putting this food in my mouth, this is what's happening to me, and so I'm better, I'm healthier, and then they're able to stand up and do more things for what they need to do for leading. It's really remarkable to me to see those two things that are interconnected. It's fascinating.

Speaker 1: 11:02

Yeah, that's an interesting point. So I'm curious, as you shared in the beginning with regards to, you're still seeing a lot of fear, and a lot of that fear is centered around fear of losing your job. I'm curious, and obviously don't go into specifics with your clients but how is that translating? What is it about this current environment that is contributing to that fear within leaders?

Speaker 2: 11:31

Yeah, well, there's a scarcity of positions, right? So I was just talking to somebody, just yesterday in fact, who mentioned a large finance company that laid off 3,000 people, right. And so this is becoming kind of the norm where we're hearing these large numbers, and so this is what people are seeing, and this is the stuff that if people are tied into watching the news or commuting into work and listening to news, radio or any of that the drone of the media around what's negative, right? So then that becomes their reality of like, well, I have a job, so I better do whatever it takes, and I'm too scared to speak up for something because I'm not in a position to go look for another job. I don't want to. It's hard. Who's going to hire me?

Speaker 2: 12:25

And then it's reinforced with hearing about layoffs and things, and even though there are absolutely people getting jobs, every day there are companies that are hiring. You know, there are positions. The louder overarching noise is the scarcity of jobs. And so then that's when they're just like I'm just gonna hold back, I'm not gonna say it and I will just quietly on my end inside of me, on my end, I will just put up with it. And so I think that people are starting to learn to deal with that reality for themselves right now, and it's sad, you know. It's really sad because then they know also that they're feeling like they're not doing enough for themselves, but also for their people, and that's where it starts to get really hard.

Speaker 1: 13:19

Yeah, that's interesting because, you know, this time last year, when we were talking, there was already this extended period of fear and of unknown and of certainty. So people were already, especially leaders. They were making decisions that were rooted in fear whether that, you know, was around for themselves, their businesses, their organizations, you name it. And here we are, a year later, where that same, it feels like that same tension is there. It's just a different target, if you will, or it's due to a different issue which you know, as we know, as coaches, right Like we, whatever we, whatever we consume, is what we project out there.

Speaker 1: 14:02

And so I can imagine that this is having an impact on more than just the leader itself, but the organization as a whole. It's interesting, especially during times like this where there's a lot of uncertainty and there's a lot of fear. I think that this is the type of time at least this is what I'm doing where I double down more so on who I am, what's my mission, what am I driving towards, and filter out all the noise, because you can't even effectively lead yourself, let alone an entire team, organization, department you name it if you're so consumed with everything that is coming at you. So I'm curious, just for you in general not necessarily your clients but what do you do? What are some practices that you've put in place to kind of keep yourself focused and whole on you know what the mission is, what you're targeting, and not get sucked into the fear mongling and the scarcity and the lack of consciousness that's out there?

Speaker 2: 15:02

Yeah for sure. Well, for me personally, I start my day in prayer. I am all about talking to God, opening my scriptures and having that quiet time. I have a daughter who is eight years old and unless there is an emergency, she knows that she is not to interrupt me before seven o'clock in the morning. I am not a very Christian mother if I don't get some time, I'm just gonna be honest about it. And so having that quiet spiritual time in the morning for me is almost non-negotiable. And so I mean, even if we go on family vacation, I'm still doing it.

Speaker 2: 15:49

And so, and there are people who are like, well, don't you want to sleep in? I'm like, no, not really, I'm good, because by six o'clock, like I'm already like used to waking up anyhow. So, and I'd rather, I'd rather have that peaceful time, that quiet alone time with me and God, than getting an hour of sleep. Quite honestly, like I really it's, like it's that much more of an importance to me. And then, and then I actually am very careful about what I eat. I can tell when, when I'm not eating. Well, like I just don't do well.

Speaker 2: 16:28

I can't, my stress levels are, I just can't handle it. And I and I'm not responding as patiently and as kindly and as compassionate for myself as well as for others. And so and that's again, this isn't because I talked to like some doctors somewhere and they're like you have to eat this and this and like that's, that's not what I I can. Just, I can just tell, I can absolutely tell. And then the other thing too is I've gotten more and more exacting with cutting things out of my schedule and being very, very particular about my schedule, and that makes a huge difference for me, because I can tell if I have too much packed in, I I just can't, I can't handle the stress of the things that are going on.

Speaker 2: 17:19

And so and I know that I'm in I'm in a different situation where I'm working from home and, as a business owner, I have a lot of choices right of how I'm going to spend my time, and that can be very different from somebody who is an executive working at a company and the expectation is is that you're on from eight to six, right? However, even even when I used to work full time, I used to make sure that I I had the type of lunch break that I wanted to have, and if that lunch break was with a friend or with a client or whatever was like that was still. That was still a priority for me in the middle of the day, and, and it didn't matter if I was working until six, seven o'clock at night, it didn't matter, I still made sure to have that little time for me in the middle of the day, and and so anyhow. So I've continued, continued to do that.

Speaker 1: 18:15

So it sounds like your, your, your strategy, if we want to put it that way is really around being intentional on what you feed yourself, right? So that pouring into yourself first that whatever you are consuming whether that is food, whether that is information, whatever it is out there that you are very selective about that and that allows you to to do the work that you're doing. And something that you said to was with regards to you know us being in a different environment, where you know, to an extent, right, we have some control or we have more control over our time, but, as you know, we're being an entrepreneur. That's not always necessarily the first thought, right? Most entrepreneurs, like they, are workaholics, aka recovering workaholic, right here, and you know, so much of our time, so much of our effort, so much of our energy is put into this too.

Speaker 1: 19:09

So, for those of you listening, you know I want you to be listening to this regardless of what camp you sit in, whether you're in a traditional work environment or you are an entrepreneur that you know, in order for us to show up as our best selves, for our self before anyone else, that we have to be very intentional, we have to be relentless when it comes to ensuring that you know what we, what we house within us, does not take us out, because, at the end of the day, if we're, if we're not, if we're not optimal, we can't help, we can't support, we can't drop towards goals or whatever else is is being expected of us.

Speaker 1: 19:47

So I thank you for sharing that. And then one other thing that I wanted to touch on too, because you know, with your book coming out around compassion, that has risen to the top of the leaderboard if you look at top leadership competencies and what organizations are really stressing right now in terms of behaviors that they are expecting their leaders to demonstrate. And, of course, employees are expecting that as well. So I'm curious and you don't have to spill the beans on your book but if you could share with us just some high level points around what it looks like to be that compassionate leader and what it looks like to build community and connection and everything else.

Speaker 2: 20:29

Yeah, absolutely Well, and thank you for asking about that, and thank you for recognizing how compassion is rising to the top of the list of qualities that we're needing from leaders, right? And so one of the things that I think is really important is that we have to recognize, in order to be compassionate for all the other people, we have to first hold up that mirror to ourselves and be compassionate for ourselves. Okay, there are a lot of people who are, it's like in their mind they're going over problems again and again and again, problems that they created, or they feel like, oh, I should have seen that I should have gone ahead of it. You know, as a leader, it's like you're out there in front, you're leading the charge, so to speak. Depending if it's big or a small team, it doesn't matter, there's just a lot of that visibility, and so we tend to take things on ourselves pretty heavily. And so I think a key thing and I get into this in the book is that, in order to have that really good collaboration in your workplace community, is that you have to recognize that you're one of those individuals contributing as well, and if something's off, you've got to deal with it. You have to deal with it, because you cannot go fix other people who seem like the problem children, people at work, if you yourself, if you're not even looking at your own things too, and so and it doesn't mean you have to be super open about be like, okay, everybody, I suck at this, this, this, you know, like you don't have to necessarily do that, right, you know, but at the same time, just for yourself, well, acknowledging it right, instead of squishing it down, squishing it down, squishing it down right, and it's like stop, stop doing that. That's not serving anybody and it's definitely not serving them as the leader.

Speaker 2: 22:20

And so when you're seeing that emotion, when you're seeing that thing, that memory that you keep circling again and again and again in your immediate thinking, it's not just somewhere in the back right, but just keeps coming up again and again and again. I would invite people who are watching this to just stop and take a time out. Please, for the love, pause and recognize something is trying to show itself to you. Don't try to squash it down. Stop and say wow, what is this right? Let your curiosity and say what is this thing? What's happening here, what's showing itself to me? And this is where having a coach or a mentor is really helpful so you can talk things through with people and then look at that and get real about okay, well, what's the story behind it? And then there's a whole process where you can reframe things and whatnot too. But just that first thing of why is this keep showing up?

Speaker 2: 23:23

And there are so many people who are running so fast to being we are going so fast still as a society that it's like I don't have time for that, right, I don't have time to deal with this. And then just gonna keep coming back and keep biting at you, just gonna keep biting at you, right? And so when do you ever finally stop and say, okay, I'm worth the time, I am just as important as all my people, right, there's a lot of coaching I do. Companies bring me in and they'll have me coach with individuals. And there are so many times you'd be like, oh, I'm so like, so glad for all the things that my company's doing for my people.

Speaker 2: 24:06

I'm like, okay, let's talk about you, what's going on for you? And they're like, oh, I can't remember the last time I had a coach, right. So again, they're like trying to get all the love for other people. And they're like you deserve this, let's lean into it. Right, you deserve it. And I love watching that shift for people. They start to settle into like, yeah, you know what, Actually, you deserve this. You know, just like I deserve to have that hour alone in the morning before my day goes crazy. It's okay, but I have to be intentional. I got a plan for it, right? You know? The same thing for people. It's like if your calendar is so tight and you don't have any spaciousness, when that thing that's bugging you, that keeps nipping at you, when it keeps showing up, you don't have any time.

Speaker 1: 24:52

Absolutely. You know, as I'm thinking about what you were sharing and even what you stated before with regards to fear. You know, oftentimes, whether you're sitting in a leadership role or not, what keeps us from, I guess, dealing with or exposing even to ourselves what some of those challenges are is, you know, a lot of people we aren't taught how to effectively deal with emotions right, and if we were like the dutiful child, like you were, or the high achiever or the person who you know was always rewarded for when they were doing good?

Speaker 1: 25:31

it takes effort, it takes work, it takes practice to learn how to be okay, or sit in what we previously defined as failure and allow ourselves to, you know, work through whatever those emotions were. I don't know about you, but you know, if I, if I, if failure even hinted like it had come near me all of a sudden, it wasn't even about me failing at whatever the thing was. It was a personal attack within myself of not being worthy and not being this and not being that, and you know it's taken time to work through some of those internal messages. So I think the encouragement here for leaders is for some people who are thinking like, okay, well, yeah, of course I'm compassionate, but they know they're not right.

Speaker 1: 26:17

Compassion really starts with when you feel in a motion that does not feel good. What is your first reaction? Is your first reaction to ignore it, to stuff it down, to speak it away to you know, positively, affirm whatever? Or is it just to simply say you know what? This doesn't feel good, I feel frustrated? You name it first. Whatever the thing is, you identify it, feel it and then let it go. I think that that's the biggest or the best way to begin to train yourself, to show yourself compassion, so that you can begin to outwardly project that same compassion onto others as well.

Speaker 2: 27:00

Absolutely so, true, and that's where I try to describe to people. You know, it's going to feel like something is nagging at you, right. It's going to feel, ironically, you've had this little nat that's been bugging you right, that's been zipping around. You know what I mean. It's like this little thing. It's like what? Just stop, you know. But it's presenting itself, it's demanding some attention, right. And so it's the same thing with those emotions, right, that come up for us. And so, just seeing that for what it is, and if you're so busy, constantly consuming so much media, like I would tell people Mike, turn off the television, people turn it off, let's turn down the noise, right, but even if in your own life, it's like you have the choice over if you're gonna turn that TV on or not, I agree.

Speaker 1: 27:53

And again it goes back to it's about intentionality. Right, it's about intentionality. We can all say we don't have time, we don't have time to work out, we don't have time to, you know, connect with people. We can always say that, but the truth is we know that the things that matter to us we make time for, and so hopefully, those of you who are watching or who are listening to the podcast here, you're taking some tidbits away to really start to examine. You know, what am I feeding myself? And again, not just food, right. What am I feeding my mind, what am I feeling, feeding my emotions, what am I feeding every aspect of myself, and then examine, you know where you might have some opportunity to make some changes. This is not an overnight thing, right? Change does not happen overnight. We are humans and so human behavior will dictate that we will regress at some point. But giving yourself that grace to know that if you are intentional about moving towards a certain path, then you will get there for sure. So I wanna head into our blitz session, right, real quick, but wanted to share some announcements, especially for those of you who are listening to the podcast. So Leadership Reloaded is out on Amazon. If you haven't gotten your copy, I invite you to do so.

Speaker 1: 29:08

Jen was on episode 65, I believe, of the show.

Speaker 1: 29:13

And then one big announcement. I've been sharing this privately to the podcast guest, but she Leads Network Enrollment is now open specifically for the collective, and so that is for women who are in senior leadership roles who are looking for connection, collaboration and coaching. So if you have not already checked out, you can go to the website sheleadsnetworkcom, slash collective, or if you go to she Leads Network, you'll see collective at the top. Take a look. If it's something that you're interested in, go ahead, hit that apply button. Schedule some time so that we can talk and I can learn more about your goals and see how I might support you through the collective. So with that, I am going to read your health and your desired legacy and we're gonna see if it still holds true and then if you would share outside of your book, of course, if there are any books that you would like to recommend to the audience. The desired legacy is to be someone who demonstrated that people can have compassion for themselves and then have compassion for others.

Speaker 2: 30:15

So that's the whole truth, absolutely, and it's fun to think about God. I can't believe it's been a year, sabine, really. I mean, this is why time goes by so fast. Right, I'm like, oh, let's choose how we wanna spend our time, but I just think about, even in the last year, the cool people that have come into my life that I didn't know even a year ago, and Glad to hear it.

Speaker 1: 30:36

So with that, have there been any new books in the last year that have popped up in your sphere that you would like to recommend?

Speaker 2: 30:45

I recently did a deep dive in John Mark Comer's book the Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, and it's fabulous, so so, so good. He's a pastor at some mega church in Portland or something, so I've never seen him live, but he really gets into how important it is that we just slow down, and I enjoyed it so much. I actually hosted a book club with some other women and none of them had heard of the book before, so they were really grateful that I even put it on their radar, and John Mark Comer shares some really good ideas about what we can do. One of them even was as simple as come to a full stop at the stop sign. I know that just totally just broke the internet right there, right.

Speaker 1: 31:37

Yeah, I'm almost done with that. No, sir.

Speaker 2: 31:40

I'm like, oh, a full stop. What a novel idea.

Speaker 1: 31:45

I love it. Okay, so we will be sure to include that in the show notes. So that is the Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. So with that, jen, thank you so much for coming back on the show. I'm excited for your book. I'm especially excited to have that out in the atmosphere, because we need more compassion, we need more grace, and not just for people who are sitting in leadership seats, but for us as a society in general. So thank you for that. And then, certainly for those of you who are listening to the show, please feel free to share this and, of course, subscribe, leave a review and if you have questions or a haze, you can always reach out to me at supportetsubingediancom. So with that, have a wonderful rest of the week and we will be back next week, take care.